Kurtispj the Troll Berserker

This page is a Diary of a Crawler, the journal of an individual character. This page probably contains spoilers.

Journal of Kurtispj, the Troll Berserker (Crawl version 0.6.1 tiled).

My name is Kurtispj. I am from a family of trolls who have been Trog's loyal servants, but much of my family are cowards, and are terrified to descend into the cave underneath our village. Today that all changes. I believe to enter this cave is to do Trog's will. I vow to find fame and glory, and the whole world will fear and respect Kurtispj.

I make one final prayer to Trog ahead of time, and stride confidently into the darkness.

FLOOR ONE

After my initial burst of enthusiasm, I carefully enter the cave's mouth. Almost immediately I see a pathetic ooze. I make a spirited attempt to disembowel it with my sharp claws. I soon discover that this cannot be done. However, the ooze was a valiant partner in this experiment. I then round a corner and find two bats flitting about. With three slashes I make quick work of these winged rodents. Another bat, perhaps seeking to avenge its brethren, swoops out of the hallway. Needless to say, I soon feel more experienced, thanks to this bat. After enjoyng a delicious snack of bat, I move down the hall. A kobold, startled by my imposing figure, shouts and hurls a dart at me. I soon make that kobold wish he had been a kosubmissive instead. Another kobold, enraged beyond belief at my joke, hurtles down the hallway with no regard for its own life. Trog, however, appreciates this kobold, soon followed by a hobgoblin. Trog knows his most loyal servant needs to stay alive, so he won't mind if I save a worm corpse for my own stomach. Having explored all of the first floor of this dungeon, I feel as though my earlier fears were completely unfounded. I encountered no resistance from its creatures, and the only damage I sustained was when I walked into a dart trap some fool left lying around. With this knowledge tucked under my animal-skinned belt, I prepare to delve deeper.

FLOOR TWO

Immediately after setting a taloned foot on floor two, I am ambushed by two goblins and a newt. I only took a single point of damage from the newt, but I got better. Trog, admiring my battle prowess, gifted me with the ability to call upon him for restoration. Trog be praised! Having slayed a small snake, and then a snake, I feel stronger...and then I feel stronger again. I pray to Trog over these snake corpses; without snakes, I would be no stronger. Finding several potions and scrolls on the ground, I pocket them in the hopes they will be useful to me at a later point. I then read a scroll labeled CHEDWI SOPN, seeing how I have four of them... but nothing happens. Clearing the second floor, I descend to the third...

FLOOR THREE

Although poisoned by a snake, I manage to slay a toadstool, three goblins, and an iguana. Praise Trog for my mighty restoration skills! Finding a glowing cloak ahead, I try reading my mysterious scroll again. It turns out to be a scroll of detect curse, and the cloak is uncursed. Putting on the cloak shows that it is +1, and with my new garment, I feel invincible. However, around the corner the mightiest foe so far looms: an ogre. Although I know I am the strongest around, I exercise a iota of caution and go berserk. The ogre falls quickly, and I again feel more experienced. I find an altar of a heretic god known as Sif Muna, who favors those who cast spells. As any devout follower of Trog knows, spells are evil. To prove this point, I drop a metal-bound book at the foot of Sif Muna's altar and call upon Trog to torch it. Almost as if to defend the “honor” of spells, a witch known as Jessica enters the room. I run towards her, but she blinks away. I attempt to slay her again, but she blinks again. This time, I cannot find her. Bah! Such cowards these spellweavers are. In an effort to discover what on earth this brass wand I found is for, I read another scroll. However, I get a feeling in my gut similar to the first time I ate a kobold. But instead of embarrassing myself, I am merely teleported. What a relief. Onward!

FLOOR FOUR

A honeycomb lies at my feet, but soon enters my stomach. Thank you, almighty Trog, for creating bees. Butterflies, on the other hand... two of them block my hallway. And I have a bloody difficult time hitting them. I evoke my brass wand in a fury, and sparks fly out and slay the butterflies! This wand of lightening will come in handy... I have found a new god! Of course, I shall never abandon Trog, but I kneel at the altar of Cheibriados. He appears to appreciate lethargy. With my ability to berserk, I fear I would not do well under the rule of this god. I stand up, brush off my animal skin, and continue my search. A hound guards a cache of scrolls, and after killing the son of a bitch, I test a scroll on another scroll. The scroll turns out to be that of identify, and the second one is of magic mapping.

FLOOR THE FIFTH

An imp greets me with a string of insults. Now, insults having led to several battles in my village, this imp is in for a surprise. After showing him his individual limbs torn off, I feel stronger again, and again! What a wonderful reward. A wight clocks me with a flail, putting me back a level 5, but his destruction brings me back to level six. Then I encounter a shop surrounded by ice beasts, ogres, and a newt. All fall to the berserking power of Kurtispj. Despite my having saved his sorry arse, Okuigr refuses to give me a discount on any of his antique weapons. I slam the door and storm out. I didn’t want any of his junk anyway. Another imp fall victim to my claws, and experience flows through me. Ottuec seems more friendly in selling me scrolls, and I leave his store with lighter pockets, but more innate knowledge of my scrolls. Coming across a party of orcs, I chuckle at their misplaced belief in Beogh. He sounds like the noise I make after vomiting up an orc corpse. Orcs do have some use, however: the priest drops an embroidered robe and a jeweled copper wand, which turns out to be a wand of fire with 13 charges. The robe replaces my animal skin, and I prepare for the sixth floor...

FLOOR SIX

I descend into the midst of an orcish party, who end up providing me with a fresh meal and a +3 robe, which I swap for my old one. A dead jelly and a former iguana later, I have fully cleared the sixth floor. I am about to descend, when suddenly I notice a staircase leading to a different area. To quench my thirst for adventure, I decide to follow these stairs to where they lead me.

ORCISH MINES FLOOR ONE

Surrounded by a horde or orcs... make that a pile of former orcs. However, with only one stairway down, and the next floor mobbed with my trollish brethren, I decide to mosey back up into the dungeon.

FLOOR SEVEN

A certain Menkaure greets me as I descend. Noticing his dry bandages, I decide to intoduce him to my wand of fire. Instead of my normal pride in the kill, I feel nervous for a moment... No matter. A centaur leads to my strength increasing, as well as what turns out to be a ring of sustenance! This should keep my troll stomach full. Around the corner I find an altar to the most holy of holies. For some reason, Trog has deemed that I must fight several frogs. His ineffable wisdom is clear when I slice open the final amphibian: a runed scythe appears at my feet. Trog be praised! Nothing else worthy of being mentioned lies on this level, so I continue.

FLOOR EIGHT

Nothing. No enemies, no items. What is this? Who cares?

FLOOR NINE

Several centaurs ambush me, but of course I survive, and I come out on top with a ring of see invisible. Then I fall down a shaft and get killed by twenty elves.